


"I don't want you to go"

by gaethceouil



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Domestic Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, F/M, Gun Violence, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Recovery Bucky Barnes, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-11 06:07:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7032352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaethceouil/pseuds/gaethceouil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 2018 and Steve Rogers just got rudely dragged out of his relationship with Sharon Carter - Agent 13. With all the help and kindness he receives from his 'straight' best friend Bucky Barnes, Steve flourishes back into the world. However, Bucky is not sure how to feel about this as his life is being turned upside down by his feelings. </p><p>Storyline inspired by an event happened in real life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I don't want you to go"

**Author's Note:**

> This work has been inspired by and written with the help of Tumblr user @fullmetalgallifreyan and pre-read by tumblr users @my-road-back-to-fitness & @deadpoolsdickwarmer. Couldn't have done it without you!

“What do you mean you _had_ to tell Fury about this?” Steve shouted across the room. “Once! For once I share something that’s on my mind, thinking I could trust you with it.” He started pacing through the small apartment. “I thought I could trust you to keep this between the two of us. I know you were assigned to keep an eye on me for protective reasons, but that was in the past! Right?" Steve’s voiced turned soft, thinking about what he just had said. 

“Right?” he asked again, looking down at Sharon.

She stood up from the chair she sat in and walked towards Steve, putting a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him down a bit. 

“Steve, you’re overreacting right now. You-“ 

Steve pulled away from her touch. 

“Overreacting?” He started raising his voice again. “Sharon, we’ve been together for almost TWO years and now you’re saying... You’re saying that all this time, nothing has been safe between us?” he looked at her in disbelief and turnt away from her. 

"You know how it goes Steve, you work for SHIELD as well and have been there long enough now. Fury wants as much information as possible…” 

“How much?” Steve interrupted her — again. 

“How much what?” Sharon looked at him, puzzled. 

“How much did you tell Fury?” 

Sharon got silent while Steve stared at her, an uncomfortable silence filling the entire room.

“Well?” 

“All of it…” She ultimately admitted. “The nightmares you still have so often, that you never went to see that psychiatrist SHIELD made you do, your concern about Sergeant Barnes during missions. That you feel like you can barely hold yourself together at times…” 

 

Right in the face. That’s how Steve felt: like he had been hit in the face with a ton of bricks. Everything he only ever could tell Sharon, and now Fury knew all of it as well. All of SHIELD knew all about it. And this wasn’t something small — no. These were deep, personal issues that would make him unfit for duty as a SHIELD agent. 

“For how long?” Steve looked at Sharon, his voice had turned close to silent. 

“Since the beginning…” He could barely hear her, but he knew enough. 

Disbelief had turned into fear and he starting pacing the room again while grabbing his head, pulling his hair. 

Steve thought about all what would happen if SHIELD took action with all this information. He would most likely need a psych evaluation, if not even being taken off the job. And then there was Bucky. What would happen to him? His panic grew with the minute. 

He couldn’t believe this was really happening, but in a matter of seconds his disbelief turned into fear. He thought about all what would happen if SHIELD took action with all this information. He would most likely need a psych evaluation, if not even being taken off the job. And then there was Bucky. What would happen to him? His panic grew with the minute and Steve struggled to keep himself collected, trying hard not to show Sharon how much this affected him.

“Home. I need - I need to go home” Steve muttered out of nowhere, leaving Sharon’s apartment with a loud bang of the door. 

 

* * *

It was the year 2017 and Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes had just been released from SHIELD after an extensive trial of psych evaluations and physical exams. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay in the Avengers Tower?” Tony Stark asked the two men. “You know it’s much safer in here.” 

“Yes, Tony, we’re sure,” Steve replied. “We’re moving to my apartment in the city where we can focus on Bucky’s recovery. But thank you very much for your offer.” 

Tony looked at the two men, thinking about the event that happened between the three of them not even a year ago, and how much had changed during that period. Tony placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“You’re a good man, Barnes.” 

Bucky – who had been staring into nowhere the entire time — startled and quickly moved away from Tony’s touch. 

“Uh, yeah... Thanks,” he softly spoke. 

“Allright, come on Buck, let’s go. We’re going home.” Steve carefully and softly moved around his friend to make sure he wouldn’t frighten him. 

“Home...” 

 

 

Steve had recently bought an apartment in Brooklyn, close to where he and Bucky had lived when they were kids, where they had grown up together and where they had shared so many memories. It was nothing big nor fancy and just big enough for two people, but it always felt like coming home for Steve. Even though the apartment had been remodeled recently, the low door posts, the creaking wooden floor and the ‘vintage’ kitchen gave away the age of it and it reminded Steve a lot of his old tenement back in the 40s. 

Bucky’s psychiatrist had told Steve it was best if Bucky did not live alone during this crucial part of his rehabilitation, and of course he would never be alone in the Avenger’s Tower, but Steve knew it could get pretty lonely in there so he had asked Bucky to come and move in with him for the time being. They both understood each other in what they had been going through and they could support each other in ways ‘normal’ people could never do. 

Steve opened the door of the apartment and stepped back to let Bucky go in first. Bucky had been declared stable enough to move out of the psychiatric hospital, but Steve knew he still struggled with panic attacks and flashbacks which could completely freak him out in only a matter of seconds, so he let Bucky do this on his own pace. 

“Buck, are you OK?” he softly asked after a couple of minutes. 

“Y-Yeah, I’m good. This is a nice place.” 

“No triggers to the past?” 

“No. Not yet, at least,” Bucky grinned, trying to not let Steve know how miserable he felt.

Just looking at Bucky made Steve ache. When he had found Bucky he was in quite a good physical shape, but after 7 months in- and out of the psychiatric hospital there wasn’t much left from the well-muscled super soldier. Bucky looked pale, thin, and ironically enough like he hadn’t slept in weeks. He knew deep down inside he was still the same Bucky, his Bucky, but he wondered how long it would take to get a glance of that. If he would ever. 

Steve shook that awful idea off of him and walked into the apartment to show Bucky some of the rooms. 

“So over there’s your bedroom, bathroom’s over there,” he pointed, “not very big, but I think it will do-“ Steve turnt around, finding he had lost Bucky somewhere. 

“Buck?” he asked. 

“Hm-hm,” came out of the bedroom that was destined to be Bucky’s, where he was staring at a massive photograph of the Brooklyn skyline, and softly touched the canvas linnen with his metal hand. “This is amazing.” 

Steve could see in Bucky’s eyes that there was a lot of processing going on, so het let him be. 

“I love that, thanks,” he quietly said after a minute or so. 

“I’m glad,” Steve replied, smiling. “Come on, let’s go have some dinner.”


End file.
